Sunday, March 31, 2013

Saturday, March 30, 2013

Hot Punishment Thoughts

The other night on the phone G. and I had a conversation that has led my thoughts to go to places they haven't gone in a long time.  In a discussion about French numbers, I told him that although I had taken French for three years in high school, by the third year I knew I wasn't capable of going anywhere with it because I'd never got the hang of it, so I'd started skipping classes that year.  He made that noise that lets me know that I'm more than likely in trouble.  I said that I didn't remember how many times I had skipped, and I doubted that it was as often as I'd skipped the first three hours of school when I'd been a freshman.  That, of course, went over even less well than the first confession.  I tell that part of the story so that I can get to this part.  Now I can't get the thought of being punished out of my head.  I'd been so stressed for the past six months that my brain couldn't get to those feelings often enough to be of any real help, so now I realize how much I've missed feeling those things.  The slight fear of wondering what he'll use to spank me, wondering what he'll say, if he'll institute corner time during the punishment, because we've been talking about corner time lately, for the first time in years.  It gives me a zing to think about all these things, even though I know that while it's happening I'll be anything but zingy.  Once I'm in the punishment mindset I'll be done for emotionally.  He'll spank me, I'm thinking multiple implements knowing him, and I'll become a blubbering mess.  Then I'll become malleable to an extent where I'll agree to be a good girl for a very long time, if not forever.  It won't last long, but while it does, I'll become very submissive.  It happens every time.  It's the only time I'm submissive.  I'm too strong willed and obstinate to be submissive the rest of the time, so G. has to work fast to get the promises out of me that he wants. 

Until the time comes that he does punish me for this, and I have no idea when that will be, I'll fantasize pretty much every possibility imaginable.  Except that there are always possibilities I don't think of, because he's diabolical when it comes to punishments.  He always manages to think up something so wrong and evil that there's no way I could ever think of it ahead of time.  Maybe it's the Top thing, but he always manages to surprise me somehow.  The fantasies I have about it are hot enough anyway, so they'll do until it happens.  You'd think that fantasizing about it would lessen some of the impact of it, but being in the same room with G., especially when he's intent on teaching me a lesson, makes it very serious when the time comes.  There's that Top thing that comes over him, which very few people have seen.  He's all business then, and very resolute on getting the results he wants.   


I have months to fantasize until then, and I'm going to take full advantage of that.  Thinking about belts and paddles, and even the evil DUH (Depleted Uranium Hairbrush, which G. nicknamed), which is the heaviest hairbrush I've ever seen or felt, which we'd stopped using so long ago that I'd forgotten we even had it.  I'm sure he'll want to use the Lexan paddle.  It's big and very wrong, in my opinion! 

Monday, March 25, 2013

Two very short things


 There are more years of the old SSC in online archives now, and I found a couple things I'd forgotten that I'd written from 2002.  They added a poetry category and a mini saga category.  Mini saga was a challenge: Write a story in 50 words or less.  Of course I had to try it!  For the poetry category I wrote a haiku.  There are longer things I wrote that year too, which I'll post soon. 

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Hand on bare bottom
Anticipating the strike
You give, I receive

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 The Chase

"Get back here for your spanking!"
She bolts, trying to stay one step ahead. She gets to the bathroom, grasps the door, closing it, as............
"Now you're going to get it," he says, barging in.
"Damn, I gotta take up track," she laughs, as the wooden spoon imprints her butt.

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 An explanation for the mini saga.  G. came here to visit in 2001, and we found ourselves alone in the apartment at one point.  I don't remember what I said to instigate things, but the next thing I knew he was chasing me with the wooden spoon!  I TRIED to run into the bathroom because it's the only room with a door that locks. : )  The mini saga was actually what happened.



Saturday, March 23, 2013

Story: What the Hell! (F/M)

This is an OLD story, from the SSC on the old newsgroup.  I wrote it in 2001, and hadn't seen it in years.  Some of the old stories are in a new archive, and this was one of them, so I grabbed it.  It's F/M, which I don't do too much of actually, but this one seemed to work well.
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What the Hell!

After decades he still didn't understand this need in his head. Something was always telling him he needed to be spanked.  Not a voice, he wasn't that far gone, but there was something else, a feeling.  Most of him thought the idea was ridiculous, knew that he was sick to want it, but there was that little part that screamed the desire from down deep.  Told him that being over a woman's lap getting his bare ass spanked till he went limp from pain and hard from lust was the only way to go.  He just never had the guts to go through with it.

The opportunity to make it all come true came as a shock to his system. She told him he was a bad boy and needed to be spanked and he almost choked.  What the hell?!  That was for kids!  There was no way he was actually going to let her spank him!  No way, no how!  She was buggy to think so, and he almost told her so, but that little part made him stifle his snappy comeback and just stare at the floor.  She asked if he agreed, but he couldn't make himself answer.  He just couldn't!  NO! Yes, damn it, you know you want it, always have!  Go for it!  No, I can't, there's no way!  He stood mute as his mind battled with itself.

He knew she expected an answer.  What should he say?  Should he tell her no, and wonder what could've been, or should he say yes and risk having the fantasy destroyed, or even scarier, fulfilled beyond imagining. What the hell?!  Why was he even considering it?  It was crazy, twisted! Nobody wanted that, did they?  What made her say it?  Why would she want to spank him anyway?  Maybe she sees the need in your eyes, that little part of himself said.  What would be so bad if you said yes!  It's silly, I can't do it!  Geeeeeez, I have my pride, ya know!  I can't let her do this!  Why not, you silly fool!  You've wanted it your whole life!  Don't hide behind that stupid pride!  It'll just keep you from getting what you want!  No, no, no!  I can't, I won't!

He looked at her, as she waited to hear his decision.  She sat down, sensing it would be a while.  He heard his heart beating loudly in his ears, deafening him.  Fear reached for him.  Fear of getting it, and fear of not getting it.  AAAGGGHHH!  He couldn't decide!

That little part of himself grew bigger suddenly, taking control, forcing him to do what he must.  Oh, what the hell!  He moved to her side and put himself across her lap, falling into the unknown.

Oversized Men's Pajama Top





Sinful Sunday


Friday, March 8, 2013

Acceptance

 I wrote this ten years ago, after I watched Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood.  The end of the movie made me realize that life doesn't work that way, that things don't just fix because of a few words.  I was going to put it on my LiveJournal page, but I realized that it mentions kink, so the only place I can put it is on here.  This is my safe place, along with Twitter.  I can be who I am.  This is a little dark, but it needed to be written.
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 Acceptance 
 2003

There comes a time when you give up on what could’ve been, and accept what was. When you realize that wishing won’t change the past, and that even if you had the chance now, nothing would change. Real life doesn’t have a happy Hollywood ending, where everyone makes peace and there’s a plausible explanation for the hell you lived. The gentle giant you hoped was inside there somewhere never was, and the raging psychotic pedophile was all too real. What could’ve been never would’ve been, no matter what. Handing your innocence over to evil was the only other option, it would have given you what you wanted, the coveted “Daddy’s girl” status, but even in your naivete you couldn’t manage that. You had it, fleetingly, but then it was gone, stripped from you by your own innocent words, not knowing they would breed hate. The brutality was all you really remember, the short span of adoration obliterated by the years of emotional isolation, and the belt. You learned to sexualize the belt, only changing your inclination, not creating it. You are what you are, and the belt didn’t force it into being, it just changed its direction. You know that now, that there’s nothing wrong with what you have become, no matter what “they” say. You have taken back the power that was ripped from you so long ago. There was just a time when you would’ve done anything to have “what could’ve been”, but now you know better, and you accept what is.