Monday, January 7, 2013
For the past couple years, I've had very little, if any, time alone. This has made my ability to get any spanking done impossible. Until August of 2010 I had Saturday mornings for most of each year, except for winters, for hours long self spanking sessions. I planned these sessions, looked forward to them, and was able to get much needed spankings done during those sessions. Then in August of 2010 my sister lost the job that had her working on Saturday mornings, cutting off my alone time. Since then I've had very few opportunities to have time to myself at home, let alone get any spanking in, because my sister almost never leaves the apartment. When she does, Mom is home. G. and I discussed this when he was here before Worldcon, and he discussed options with Mom for giving me time home alone. She knows about the kink, but I'm not sure he mentioned it as the reason I need time alone. I think he just told her that no time at all alone has been bad for me. She agreed to making sure that once we were back from Worldcon that I would be able to get time alone. Two weeks later she fell, breaking her right arm and leg, and ended up in the hospital for a week and a rehab facility for three weeks after that. I spent most of that time with her, except when I had to work, and then at night. ONCE in that whole month my sister happened to be out of the house when I was home, so I took the opportunity to get some spanking in. It wasn't hours long, I was lucky if it was an hour. Mom has been home since the middle of October. She was finally able to start driving sometime in November, and was able to leave the house on her own. We're back where we started. When I'm home, the only time my sister leaves the house is late in the day, when Mom is home. She doesn't go out until very late in the day on the weekends, if at all. So again I have no time alone. If there was ever a time I needed a few hours alone to get some desperately needed spanking in it's now, after all that time I was so keyed up when Mom needed me for everything. It's gotten so bad that I've developed a nervous tick where it feels like I can't breathe deep enough. I need time alone, but the last time G. managed to arrange it for me disaster struck. There's part of me that's afraid to bring it up again because I don't want it to cause anything else to happen. It's what G. calls "magical thinking", and I don't do it normally, but I feel like I can't risk it right now. I just need some time home alone, but my sister never leaves the house when Mom is out of the house. Again. The way it was for damn near two solid years. I'm not sure how long my mental stability can hold out against this. It's winter, and Mom doesn't leave the house as much as she does in the spring through the fall. When it's warm, she's gone on Saturday mornings for hours. It's the wrong time of the year to even hope for hours to myself, but waiting until the spring doesn't seem possible. That won't even help unless my sister leaves too. Which she never does, because she stays up all night and sleeps until at least noon. I'm hanging by a thread here, and that fucking thread is getting thin. A good long session with as many implements as I can manage would do me so much good if it could go for two or three hours. I want it. I need it.
Posted by Jen at 9:29 PM